The 15-year-old’s death has brought renewed attention to the devastating consequences of school bullying.
By Elizabeth Ayoola
Essence
https://www.essence.com/
School was where I spent the most time and also endured the most humiliation. My daily walk of shame took place in hallways filled with boisterous kids who made me the butt of their jokes. My crime was being dark-skinned and having African features. I dreaded going to school every day, and my self-esteem took a hit that took years to recover from.
When I heard about the death of Javits Frimpong, I was instantly flooded with a mix of dread, sadness, and vexation. His story felt familiar, and it did to many other children of immigrants or victims of bullying.
Javits was a 15-year-old student in the Bronx. He migrated about a year ago from Ghana to live with his dad, only to be tragically chased by three boys and gunned down on his way to school. The shooting occurred after Javits reported school bullies who were eventually suspended. There haven’t been any arrests yet, but social media users suspect the bullies are responsible for his murder.
New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani spoke out against the crime, which took place at 9:30 a.m. on October 30. He also got President Trump’s word that he’d grant Javits’ mother, who is currently based in Ghana, a visa.
“The murder of a child is a pain no parent should have to endure, let alone from thousands of miles away. Javits Frimpong’s mother deserves to say goodbye to her son in person. I just got off the phone with President Trump and he has agreed to grant her visa immediately. All of New York City is mourning this tragedy,” Mamdani said in a statement.
Sadly, too many of us can relate to the fear, terror, and unrest that comes with having to co-exist with bullies at school. Some of us fought back, some joined gangs for protection, some surrendered to the bullying, while others shrank, hoping to become invisible. Frimpong did what we tell many kids who are being bullied to do—tell an adult and, in so many ways, endure it. None of that advice saved his life.
When I told my parents about the bullying I experienced, they brushed it off and advised me to ignore it. I’ve heard some parents chalk it up to something that makes you stronger, and I vehemently disagree. We sometimes present bullying as an opportunity for character development or a rite of passage to resilience. But no child should have to endure it, and there are less harmful ways to develop character.
In retrospect, I wish my parents explored other schooling options because it could have changed the trajectory of my childhood. It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge the challenges and systemic impediments that can make changing schools unfeasible for some. But bullying is an urgent matter and worth the stress. Sending me back to the environment where I was being targeted every day was detrimental to my well-being. It also had long-lasting effects.
Unlike Javits Frimpong, bullying didn’t lead to the loss of my life, but it did rob me of emotional safety and take my focus away from learning. Those cruel words became my inner voice, and it took years and thousands of dollars in therapy to develop healthy self-esteem.
Bullying should be treated as urgently as domestic violence and any other sort of abuse because it is that serious. Victims of bullying are between two to nine times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies done by Yale University. Likewise, research in the UK found almost half of suicides among 10- to 14-year-olds are bullying-related. Of course, this shows association, not causation, and multiple risk factors are involved. But as a suicide survivor myself, bullying can create the perfect storm.
I am urging parents to do everything within their power to remove kids from environments where they’re being abused.
In no way am I shaming this young boy’s father and his response to the bullying. Removing his son from the school wouldn’t necessarily have saved his life. And, ultimately, bullying isn’t the victim’s fault or their parent’s fault. Bullies, and in some instances, their parents as well, should be held accountable for their behavior.
Nonetheless, for those of us blessed enough to still have our children earthside, taking drastic measures in response to bullying could save their lives. We have no control over how other people raise their kids, but we do have some control over the environments ours are brought up in.
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