I Was Just Thinking…

By Norma Adams-Wade

All my life (all my life)
They been tryin’ to keep me down (they been tryin’ to keep me down)
All this time (all this time)
Never thought I would make it out (never thought I’d make it out)
They couldn’t break me, they couldn’t break me (no, no)
They couldn’t take me, they couldn’t take me (no)
All my life (all my life)
They been tryin’ to keep me down (they been tryin’ to keep me down)

                        Song “”All My Life”

                        By rapper Lil Durk, featuring rapper J. Cole and a children’s choir

Popular Hip hop rapper Lil Durk and his hit song “All My Life” spoke to me when I first heard it while driving some young people in my car.

Equally popular rapper J. Cole collaborated on the song. The fresh, promising, and confident voices of the youth choir, echoing the rapper’s words in the background, interrupted my rambling thoughts and compelled me to listen.

What attracted me to Lil Durk’s music

I do not profess to understand the rap generation nor its music. But because my car regularly transports the current generation that thrives on these latest tunes, my car radio is regularly tuned to stations that blare out these songs. The lyrics are crammed with violence, death, drugs, rival beefs, cursing, hopeless street life.

The choir is uncredited on the album, but the Black-owned St. Louis American weekly newspaper reports that the young singers are the Phil Woodmore Singers Kidz choir from St. Louis, MO. Lil Durk released the song on May 12, 2023, as the lead single from his album Almost Healed.

I am not alone in my admiration for the “All My Life” song. It has gotten much positive feedback. One example is kudos from Facebook-Instagram-Twitter/X contributing writer Flisadam Pointer. In her Uproxx Music column, she writes “Lil Durk and J. Cole’s “All My Life” video is a ray of light for the youth looking to find their voice….. The video serves as a touching reminder that while the youth are indeed the future, it takes efforts from their elders to clear the way for them.”

I know some kids wanna hurt they self
Stop tryna take drugs, I refer to myself
Tryna better myself, tryna better my health but

All my life (all my life)
They been tryin’ to keep me down (they been tryin’ to keep me down)

Lil Durk, childhood, family

The 32-year-old rapper, born Durk Devontay Banks, was born and grew up in the Englewood community, on the infamous South Side of Chicago, known for poverty, violence, crime. His family called him “Lil Durk,” and in his music, Durkio also is one of various nicknames the rapper calls himself..

When Lil Durk was seven months old, his father, Dontay “Big Durk” Banks, was given a life sentence for trafficking cocaine and refusing to cooperate with authorities and become a snitch. His mother, LaShawnda Woodard, was left to raise Lil Durk and his four siblings with some help from her own mother with whom she and children lived.

Lil Durk turned to street life. He joined a gang in his early teens, dropped out of school, started getting in trouble, and became a teen father at age 17. He became attracted to weapons – was later even associated with a crime involving a machine gun. He soon was convicted on gun charges, pled to a lesser charge, and avoided serving time.

And media thirsty for clicks, I got a new rule
If you ain’t never posted a rapper when he was alive
You can’t post about him after he get hit
It’s simple, it’s the principle
On any tempo, I’m invincible
Don’t even rap, I just vent to you
I rather that than an interview

Amid his chaos, the teenager began rapping on social media about his life experiences so far. Social media helped launch his career. His storybook double-life could have become the typical bad-boy-makes-good tale of overcoming. Yet, he reached the heights and crashed. The yet unanswered questions are what will happen after this downfall? What impact will this collapse have on younger kids who idolized him?

On a more positive note, despite Lil Durk’s troubles, his mother is now a motivational speakers and author of the autobiography 7220. The book title is the address of the home where she herself grew up and raised her children, and it is the title of a Lil Durk album. The rapper’s father was released on July 19, 2019 after serving 26 years. He had become Muslim, changed his name to Abdul Haqq, and soon began mentoring at-risk youths, counseling them to avoid his mistakes.

Life blossomed then crashed. What went wrong?

Lil Durk was a three-time Grammy nominee before he and collaborating rapper J. Cole won the prize for the “All My Life” song at the 66^th Annual Grammy Awards in February 2024. It was Lil Durk’s first Grammy, J. Cole’s second. “All My Life” was a surprise departure from Lil Durk’s signature sound of what music artist call “drill music, a subgenre of Chicago hip-hop.”

After the Grammy win, the hometown rapper was making inroads with local leaders in what appeared to be a genuine attempt to overcome his mistakes and be a more positive influence on others. Lil Durk had established a nonprofit foundation, Neighborhood Heroes, and received a key to the Chicago suburb of Broadview that also had partnered with his foundation.

I decided I had to finish, but the media called me a menace
I done sat with the mayor and politicians, I’m tryna change the image
You can’t blame my past no more, I come from the trenches
Some said I’d never be a superstar, but I know I’m different (no, no, no)
I’m The Voice, but the system ain’t give me a choice
           

But the underbelly of Lil Durk’s life became centerstage. Over the span of seven years,  2014-2021, a parade of people close to him were murdered, and the rapper did not mask the pain he felt. Some of the major murders included a brother, cousin, manager, and very close rapper friend.

Retaliation murders sprang up, and strong evidence pointed to Lil Durk as the mastermind behind the retaliations. In one instance, five men tied to some fatal shootings of Lil Durk’s rivals were found to have been paid with a credit card linked to Lil Durk’s music business. Ultimately, Lil Durk’s key to the city was withdrawn and a city partnership with his foundation was ended.

Young nigga shoot out the whip like road rage
I pray all of my dawgs stay so paid
And the only thing that kill ’em is old age

            The five men were arrested October 23, 2024. Lil Durk was arrested the following day as the person who instigated the conspiracy to commit murder-for-hire in the 2022 shooting of rival rapper Quando Rondo and the “mistaken” killing of Rondo’s cousin. Lil Durk was arrested in Broward County, Florida and transported to Los Angeles. He currently still is detained without bond in LA’s federal Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC). His trial is set for October 14, 2025, five days before his 33^rd birthday. Authorities say he could face life in prison.

What to make of it all

A reminder to humble yourself

 this s__ could be gone in an instant
Me, I’m runnin’ long distance
All pistons firin’
I be stuck between maybe retirin’
And feelin’ like I’m just not hittin’ my prime
These days seein’ rappers be dyin’
Way before they even gettin’ they shine

I was just thinking…, one could wonder about the influence of life factors — environment, misguided parenting, DNA bloodline. Did any or all of these play a part in the downfall of the obviously intelligent and talented Lil Durk? Still, some people manage to escape their environment – be it a dysfunctional family or violent community. Being surrounded by a violent community, must one carry a weapon and use it in order to survive? Are there hidden solutions:  Better parenting skills, sending the child to live with someone far away, stronger faith and prayer? I do not have a definitive answer. Do you?

Norma Adams-Wade, is a proud Dallas native, University of Texas at Austin journalism graduate and retired Dallas Morning News senior staff writer. She is a founder of the National Association of Black Journalists. norma_adams_wade@yahoo.com.