Big Mama Said: I Don’t Look Like What I Been Through

By: Terry Allen

Lucille “Big Mama” Allen would lift her chin, smooth her apron, and say, “Baby, when the Lord delivers you, He don’t leave no evidence on your face.” She believed in grace under fire. No matter the storm, you show up looking like victory, not like the valley. She’d wink and add, “You don’t look like what you been through.”

And Lord knows, I know that truth firsthand.

For the past seven months, I’ve been in a victory-driven battle with cancer. Radiation. Procedures. Sleepless nights and silent prayers. But still, I showed up. And I showed out. Every assignment, every meeting, every mission I was trusted to lead — I kept my promise, not just to the work, but to myself. I refused to let my pain speak louder than my purpose.

That same spirit runs deep in our people. Our ancestors didn’t survive the Middle Passage, chains, cotton fields, or Jim Crow just to wear pain on their faces. They wore hope. They wore faith. They wore dignity like armor. They marched through hate with pressed collars and holy purpose. They changed the world — and still didn’t look like what they’d been through.

That legacy lives on today.

Simone Biles somersaults through stigma, carrying trauma with transparency and pride. She’s living proof that healing and greatness can co-exist. And my friend, the belated BeBe Moore Campbell — my sister in the struggle and in truth — was one of the first to help Black folks, especially Black men, name and face our mental health battles. As a journalist, she wrote for The New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, Essence, Ebony, and Black Enterprise. But her loudest work was in her quiet courage — calling us to be whole, healed, and heard.

So here’s your call to action: Let’s create real spaces — for truth, for therapy, for restoration. Our men deserve healing. Our women deserve rest. Our youth deserve peace. Mental wellness is not a luxury — it’s a necessity.

Don’t be ashamed of your scars — but don’t be afraid to treat them either. When they ask how you’re still standing, smile and say, “I don’t look like what I been through.” And then go help someone else heal too.

Because we are the proof. The prayer. The power.

And we still rise.

Terry Allen is an NABJ award-winning Journalist, DEI expert, PR professional, and founder of the charity – Vice President at FocusPR, Founder of City Men Cook, and Dallas Chapter President of NBPRS.org