By: Cheryl Smith
Editor’s note: I hope this repeat of my Mother’s Day column will resonate with those whose Mothers are their angels today. And to those who can reach out and touch their Mothers, from someone who can’t; I hope that you will.
Mama, oh Mama
I have heard men talk about when their attitudes about women changed and usually, this revealing moment comes when they found themselves looking into the eyes of their firstborn daughter.
It’s like the moment the Grinch has in the Christmas movie, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The Grinch was a “mean one!” He was miserable and he wanted everyone else to be miserable also.
You know, “misery loves company.”
Well, I believe happiness loves company too and while I want to spread love and happiness; in the midst of the societal ills we are dealing with, I also want to spread justice, equality, consequences and repercussions.
It would help if the Grinches of this world would have an attitude adjustment, a change of heart.
All I can think of is,”WOW!”
Which brings me to my truth.
One Sunday the girls and I were shopping for Mother’s Day cards. I heard, “Mommy, look! And I turned to see Ayanna walking up to me holding a big cookie with the word, “WOW.”
I looked at her with a smirk on my face, and asked, “Why would I buy a cookie that said WOW?”
She looked at me in bewilderment and then it hit me. The cookie actually read, “MOM!”
I had just given Ayanna more fodder for parents just don’t understand conversations with her siblings. She had to be thinking that I was almost ready to be committed!
Yes, parenting is hard.
There’s no playbook or guide. When you’re in school there are so many things that you can’t be taught and so you spend a significant portion of your life in a trial and error mode.
Fortunately for me, my mother lived long enough for me to “get it,” to have an understanding of many of the “whys” we lived through and that I questioned.
The Fresh Prince rapped, “Parents Just Don’t Understand.”
I submit that children don’t understand either!
Entertainer, and activist Harry Belafonte was interviewed by journalist Roland Martin and talked about his mom’s journey, which was challenging. He said he came to understand her better and elaborated on the significance of counseling.
Counseling is important and I highly recommend you try it.
I am also grateful that l had that “Grinch moment” because it cemented my relationship with my mother, woman to woman.
Later that year, when she transitioned, her celebration of life was scheduled for my birthday. Someone said, ”That’s Cheryl’s birthday, we need to change it.”
When I protested a change, I was told that every birthday I was going to remember “Mother.”
I responded that “every day I am going to remember her, so it didn’t matter.
As I spoke at her service, I said, “It was a Friday, June 20 when she looked at my face for the first time and here it is Friday, June 20, 2014 and I am looking at her face for the last time.”
This year marks a decade and the loss is still felt. I miss “Mother” so much. I also have so many memories to cherish.
My message to everyone reading these words is to reach an understanding before it is too late.
Have that Grinch moment. It is a two-way street, true; but you can’t make the decision for anyone but yourself and it’s a great way to move toward healing and living a more rewarding life.
So, if your mom is alive, consider, if you haven’t already, finding out her “why.”
It could be a healing experience!
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