My Truth: Time and place – when is it right?

We shouldn’t make cussing the norm!

By: Cheryl Smirh

REMIX – I don’t know the man’s name and probably wouldn’t recognize him if I saw him again because I had temporarily misplaced my glasses. 

It was Memorial Day and I had stopped by The Forum Bowl in Grand Prairie on a site visit after feeding veterans at Heroes House in East Dallas.

10 years ago I was at the opening of Heroes House with the Honorable Eddie Bernice Johnson. Over the years, we returned to Heroes House to feed the veterans and spend time with them; usually on Memorial Day, July 4, Labor Day, or Veterans Day. 

There were also times that we stopped by during the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa season to spread some love. 

Now back to Forum Bowl. Two men were standing talking and one of them said some choice words you might call “four letter words”or something of that sort. 

The brother looked at me and apologized profusely. He covered his mouth and told me he was “so sorry.” 

I thanked him and graciously accepted his apology. 

I thought about the many times that I have been places and I heard people of all ages cussing and they never acknowledge that they are out of order.

I think to avoid getting offended I just take it as a sign of the times that this is what people are going to do and I need to get over it. 

As a child, in my household, there was no cussing.  My mother’s friends weren’t cussing, at least around us, but I did hear stories about some folks “cussing like a sailor.”

Actually, I have stopped cussing so much, because it doesn’t feel as good as it has in the past when I felt I had to cuss just to make sure folks understood and digested what I was saying to the fullest extent.

Today, I don’t care if you understand or not. You will just have to walk around clueless. 

Now when I do cuss, I use a modified tone and I have taken to asking for forgiveness. 

It felt so good to hear that apology and show of respect and common decency because too often that’s not the case. 

It has become the norm to cuss any and everywhere and to any and everybody.

That’s where boundaries come in!

I do believe there is a time and place for everything, and I do take exception with ages and sometimes gender.  And then sometimes it’s about the relationship.  

For example, while I never wanted my mother to hear me cuss, I really didn’t have a problem when I would hear the great Eddie Levert of the singing group, The OJays, in conversation with his sons Eddie and Shaun, and they would cuss. It seemed to work in that scenario.

Some people say they can’t help but cuss. It comes out. 

I say, “that’s bull!“

Frankly, just like you can control or stifle a fart, and we’ve all done that from time to time; you can control your language. 

It doesn’t help when writers, in their portrayals of Black families, resort to scripts that have children of all ages cussing in front of their elders.

Now I know that the Black family is not monolithic and some Black children cuss in front of their parents.

Just know growing up, the friends I hung out with wouldn’t think of cussing in front of their parents.

So imagine my disappointment when the best show airing today, Beyond the Gates, one of the characters cussed in front of their grandparents! 

I screamed at the television.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!  We don’t do that!

I love the show.  It won’t matter but I plan on writing to the team and asking them to not normalize that misbehavior.  The show is so real and has nuances that make me so proud.

Great writing, acting, dressing, et al. So the cussing doesn’t make or break it.  And actually,  all the writers who write in cuss words, should at the very least, have the adult character ask for an apology, or check them in some fashion – especially with youth/elder scenes.

Keeping close to our culture, the least the adult can say is, “I’m not one of your little friends!”

You see, even when I cuss fluently, I’ve watched my mouth around my elders. 

We know how to act right! OR the adults knew how to rein us in!

I considered not cussing in front of elders to be a Black thing because we knew better, and then many of my Latin brothers and sisters told me they watch their mouths especially around elders. 

We know about respect. 

Today, “you don’t respect me, I don’t respect you,” is the mantra of many.

I hope that we can get back to those good old days of respecting our elders because watch what I tell you. The main ones who are out here disrespecting their elders are going to want respect when they become elders.

And that is the truth!